The good thing about my job in Singapore was the flexibility of my time. Filing a leave was never been a problem 'cause each one has already been planned 6 months ahead of time. So, I made sure that my leave of absence were filed 3 months before my next Philippine visit.
Everytime I reached the NAIA Terminals, my two boys were there to greet me all the time. They're so excited from the moment they see me from the glass-covered waiting areas. They'll be jumping for joy.
As I move closer to them, two sets of small arms, widely spread, reaches up towards me, with their small cute lips touching my cheeks. The loneliness and depression that I got from Singapore vanishes as their soft baby cheeks touches my lips.
I am not alone... many of my fellow Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) Fathers are experiencing this burden, I'm sure. This is true specially when a father and his child had a great relationship before the separation.
Effects of Being an OFW on My 10-Year Old
My toddler, now 10, was very close to me when I was working in the Philippines. I always cry secretly when I remember our playful times together inside our house.
He always sings in front of many people. My wife and I also made sure that he speaks with other people with confidence.
I left him when he was a confident little boy. My excitement working in Singapore had isolated my thinking about the future effect of it on him.
Skype or Facebook were our ways of communication. He was typing odd words and jumbled letters at the message window back then, until the time that he can create full sentences. That's how time flies.
We had video chats, almost everyday, but the loneliness deep inside was there all the time. It'll get worse when we say our goodbyes.
Years passed by until I learned that he was no longer singing in front of people and was so shy speaking to someone. His voice was getting unconfident, dragging his self-esteem down.
His teacher explained to my wife that he is experiencing a "separation anxiety". This is the effect when two closely related individuals separate from each other.
My son is not the only one with this type of issues, this is common on children that are away from their father or mother for quite a long time.
Separated From my Baby Boy
During my stay in Singapore, my wife and my 10-year old visits me every summer. It's one of my happiest moments in the Lion City. We've visited a lot of places and food centres in every corner of the country.
This is also the time when we decided to add a new member of the family. A new baby boy was made in Singapore and born in Philippines. :D
Back then, with the same setup, I thought that it won't have any effect on my little boy as he was born without me. He will have no separation anxiety and he will get used to it sooner.
As usual, my frequent visit in Philippines gives me a chance to carry my baby boy and kiss him anytime I want.
I remembered that he was so small back then that he fits in-between my elbow and wrist as I carried him to sleep.
Time flies, and he grew up faster and heavier and spoke his first words of Daddy and Mommy. He became aware that going to the airport is saying goodbye to me as I go back to Singapore. This is what he was used to back then.
He became strict with his mother, making it sure that I cannot hug her or kiss her with his presence. The thought of me not having a chance to hug my spouse in front of our kid is surprising and unusual. It was not the case when our 10-yr old was at the same age.
The worst thing was that he doesn't like my presence when he was going to sleep. Seeing me beside him makes him irritable and eventually transfer to his nanny. He also hated when I'm sleeping beside his mom.
My 10 and 3 year-old After the FSW Immigration in Canada
Low self-esteem and overprotective sons were the results of me working in Singapore for a couple of years.
It seems that God saw my situation and blessed me with our FSW Visa. But, it didn't stop there, He provided us jobs that will change the relationship between me and my sons.
This is how it changed our lives...
My wife was working as an operator in a manufacturing industry, also a minimum wage earner. By the way, she is a licensed teacher with more than 10 years experience in a private school in the Philippines.
She works in the afternoon until night and goes to bed at 2:00 in the morning.
Well, for me, I worked for an 8 to 5 job from Monday to Friday. My wife and I are having a hard time to talk or see each other on weekdays. She goes home while I'm fast asleep and off I go for work while she was still sleeping.
This situation didn't bother me at all because it gives me the opportunity to bond with my children. When my wife is out for work, I had another full time job. Here's the job description...
- Taking care of my two sonsThese duties made me closer to my kids. My 10-year old's self-confidence is getting better. On the other hand, my 3-year old doesn't want to go to sleep without my stories of "Thomas and Friends" and requests me to sleep beside him every bedtime.
- Become a single "Mom/Dad"
- House cleaning
- Dishwasher
- Garbage collector
- Putting my kids to bed
Having the chance to be with them and seeing them grow for at least at their toddler and teenage years was the best reward of being a Federal Skilled Worker Immigrant in Canada!
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